the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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