a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
