I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
