Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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