Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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