At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
