apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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