He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just pee around me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
