I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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