you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
