spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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