I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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