you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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