Moan for me like Helen Keller
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
