so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
