maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
