You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I just sharted jello shots
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