i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
