this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
