i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
