her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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