smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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