his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
