im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
