Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
