We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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