"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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