yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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