Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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