You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
