So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
