In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
