Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
