I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Randomize
