we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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