Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
