Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
