We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
