a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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