one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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