How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
