Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
