If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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