just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
