I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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