Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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