It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize