the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
