is your mom at the bar?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
