dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
