This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Welp...herpes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
