I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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