Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
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