I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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