Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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