lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
