I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
