shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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