in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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