Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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