just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
