I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
