This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
