Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
